Mama’s Baby, Daddy’s Maybe
“A legal paternity test is a genetic test to determine whether a man is the biological father of a child. If a man is a biological father, the man is deemed by law to have “paternity.” Courts will order biological fathers (fathers who have paternity) to pay child support. Biological fathers may also file a petition with a court seeking to adopt the child. Biological fathers may also be given custody and visitation rights”. ~legalmatch.com
The statement above explains it plainly about paternity testing. For years, it has been an ongoing controversial debate here in the United States; whether paternity testing should be administered at birth.
My point of view is that paternity testing should be done for the sake of a precious child. Sadly, we live in a world where narcissism has become a professional opera singer (me, me, me). No one is thinking about this tiny newborn baby who will one day grow up to be an adult with their family.
No one stops to think that generation after generation will have a picture hanging on their wall or sitting on the mantel of a man called “their dad,” who is not related to anybody in the house! Oh, my goodness, God forbid if they have pictures of Grand-dad and Great Granddad displayed as well. Shut the front door!
All because Mama decided to keep the fact that she had an affair, or worse. No matter what the circumstances were, a child was conceived. If the child was born and not put up for adoption, this innocent and beautiful human being deserves to know who their biological father is. It is not right to live a life of deception at the expense of other people’s lives because you are consumed with a prima-donna mentality.
Can you imagine what Thanksgiving and Christmas Dinners will be like 30 years from now; the children are picking up dads’ picture, passing it around, reminiscing about him. Maybe he was a good man, but it doesn’t give anyone the right to have had him thinking that he fathered a child (ren). While Mama is growing older and probably having memory issues. She has never chosen to defeat her selfishness to tell her child (ren) who their real daddy is or was. For years she never took the time to think long and hard about the damage being caused.
Not willing to free herself of what would seem like a heavy burden, that she has carried for so long. So, yes, paternity testing needs to be done immediately after birth.
The test should be administered whether the couple is married or not because married women get caught up too. One may be asking what would make a woman falsify the identity of her child’s father? I do not know why. There could be a few reasons, but I could take a few educated or not-so-educated guesses. But instead, I’d rather not wreck my brain for reasons.
My thoughts are more so, how do you sleep at night? How do you look at your child and “see” the natural father’s face because the child looks just like him? A woman always knows who her child’s father is, except she was doing too much with more than two men. Sadly, a man only believes what he has been told (though I have heard of some men who said a child was not theirs, and it turned out not to be).
It’s worth repeating, that whether the pregnancy was intentional or not, you gave birth to a precious child. Once you look in your child’s innocent face, that should have shattered all selfishness, embarrassment, fear, or whatever reason you had for not revealing the birth father. It is not about you; it is about your child (ren) and their future generations to come.
Let’s say hypothetically that a woman was taking care of her dying husband, she became pregnant by another man. The dying husband knows it’s not his baby, and they both agree to have him write a notarized letter stating that the child is his just in case he dies before the child is born. Because he wants to save a little bit of his ego before dying, or to express his gratitude to his wife for taking care of him in his final days. The wife who is too young to collect his social security benefits yet; but he wants the baby she is carrying to receive his survivor’s Social Security benefits until the child reaches the age of eighteen. That way the wife will have some financial assistance for a while.
If the wife agreed to defraud the government, then that is on her. But it would be her responsibility to tell the child’s birth father that the baby she is carrying is his and explain the circumstances. I’m optimistic he would be okay with it because he knew (hopefully) she was married when they conceived his child.
Here is the crucial part of this hot mess, when the child becomes of age, Mama will need to sit down face to face with this child and tell their entire story. Period. Children young or old are more resilient and forgiving than we as parents are willing to give them credit. Will they be confused and possibly angry at first? Probably, which they have a right to be, but they will know the truth. They will also probably think to themselves that Mama did not have to tell me; meaning I would have never known, which makes her courageous in her love for me.
If you are reading this, it is not to pass judgment on anyone, but rather help someone free themselves. To see that your children and grandchildren deserve to know about themselves through their biological father. I loved my dad and couldn’t imagine not knowing who he was. The fact that I have many of his ways, such as the love of jewelry, sports, music, telling jokes, my organization’s skill, and I can even be moody at times just like him.
I have heard heartbreaking stories of people never knowing their real dad. Because their Mama and other relatives decided to take the secret to their graves. Then there are the victory stories I have heard of a dying relative on their death bed who reveals the paternity secret before leaving this world.
The paternity test is the most significant factor, but not forgetting that “the father” who is not the father, has paid eighteen years of child support. There should be laws where women who financially robbed a man; in this form should be required by law to pay the money back plus some.
The fact is in some states, if you owe back child support, your driving license can be suspended, and you can’t travel outside of the United States. Law should also be put in place where, if an adult child has doubts about their biological father, there should be free paternity testing for the adult child and the listed father. If that father is deceased, paternity testing should be offered to another family member in that “father’s” family.
I know this is not a popular subject no one wants to talk about. Its time to break the generational curses of “what goes on in this house stays in this house” mentality. For the sake of our children, all bets are off when it comes to tampering with someone’s legacy!
My question to you is: What do you know? Is it Mama’s baby, but Daddy’s maybe? Free yourself and give a child their true family legacy, its never too early or too late.
